How to Build Personal Resilience in Hard Times | Naama Kaminer
This article was originally composed in Hebrew and has been translated by Amizur Nachshoni for English-speaking readers. For further details, you may refer to the bottom of the article.
One area of research in positive psychology is the remarkable human abilities built after a traumatic physical or mental event, allowing us to cope and even grow from pain and hardship. To help you cope better with the harsh reality we are all experiencing these days, we have gathered practical insights and tools to strengthen personal resilience.
The idea for this article came up in the early days of the 2023 Israel–Hamas war, before we understood the full extent of the horror and realized we were witnessing the most painful confrontation the state of Israel has faced since its founding — a monumental national tragedy.
Most of us are familiar with the concept of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder): the response to trauma exposure where one is threatened or witnesses a threat to others’ lives. PTSD often involves anxiety, helplessness, intrusive memories, avoidance of trauma reminders, and hyperarousal. Our common thread nowadays is that we have all been impacted in some way by current events. Even those not directly exposed suffer from anxiety, impaired daily functioning, lowered moods, and significantly undermined personal security.
Positive psychology research examines the exceptional human strengths built after traumatic events to enable coping and even growth from adversity. To help you better handle the harsh reality we all face, we have compiled research-based, practical tools to strengthen personal resilience categorized from A to Z.
You are invited to read, consistently practice with openness, and gradually strengthen yourself despite and because of the immense hardship. Regular application of any of these tools is expected to bring relief, hope, empowerment, engagement, vitality, and improved physical and mental functioning.
Faith
Religious or spiritual faith connects us to a higher power with immense strengths beyond our own, providing meaning, direction, and relief in times of crisis. Believers know they are a small part of something greater, offering belonging and identity that provide power and comfort when times are hard.
Application: Even if not religious, try finding meaning in something powerful like nature or destiny.
Choice
Conscious choices throughout the day aid better coping. I tend not to say “control” but rather “sphere of influence,” and conscious choices attuned to what is best for us in the moment empower us to function optimally given our circumstances.
Application: Define set activities in given time windows (exercise, dinner time, sleep time). This routine creates clarity and order, enabling a sense of normalcy amid uncertainty.
Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries with others is vital for managing tension and preventing burnout. Despite an intense desire to “help the whole world,” it’s important to set boundaries when needed and practice saying “no” to requests that may drain our energy in order to sustain personal resources long-term.
Application: Before jumping to say yes to every request, pause and check internally — do I currently have the energy/resources/ability to help? Only after self-assessment, respond. In routine times and especially amid uncertainty, tell children you are available to them until a set time in the evening (depending on their age and home dynamics), after which you take personal time that evening. Setting boundaries teaches self-care while showing children to respect others’ quiet time, an important relationship lesson.
Self-Talk
Our mental self-dialogue greatly impacts resilience. Whether conscious or not, its content affects self-beliefs and coping ability.
Application: Notice tone and character, as content influences ability. Use empowering self-talk, like “This isn’t easy but I’ll do my best to get through it” or “It’s really hard but I’ve overcome difficulty before and will get through this too!” Also try to catch and stop self-criticism that weakens you.
Volunteering
Helping others can powerfully shift perspective and strengthen purpose during hard times. There is always someone needing help, and research shows volunteering benefits the giver as much as the recipient. The concept of “helper’s high” was coined in the 1980s to describe the mental and physical uplift people gain from regular community service.
Application: Consider volunteering regularly to aid elderly, distribute food, or arrange donations. Regular voluntary work has advantages, but spontaneous giving like grocery shopping for a homebound neighbor also helps. Beyond this, children tend to copy our behaviors, so if volunteering, try involving them actively or share your experiences.
Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is managing impulses, thoughts, reactions and behaviors to achieve goals. Research shows that better self-regulation markedly improves relationships, enables creative problem-solving, and enhances handling stress and crises effectively.
Application: The “response delay” technique suggests we pause before reacting (especially in tense settings) to enable a calm response rather than acting from emotion or habit. Before answering or reacting, take a breath and count to 5, then respond.
Time
A steady, structured schedule for daily activities enables creation of clear, predictable routine, producing feelings of agency and control over circumstances. The more you maintain a consistent schedule, the more you will know what to expect day-to-day and strengthen personal resilience.
Application: Our normal routines are disrupted during war. To create temporary routine, divide the day into set timeframes for certain activities — for example, work until 3pm, time with children 3–5pm, news update 8–9pm. Segmenting the day into timed activities and tasks creates feelings of control and engagement in what’s happening — both core aspects of resilience.
Compassion
Compassion is a major contributor to mental resilience — the ability to relate to ourselves with acceptance and understanding even when our functioning is sub-optimal. Practicing self-compassion enables moving through challenges without added self-judgment that only weakens resilience.
Application: In moments of difficulty when you judge yourself as messing up, instead of engaging in criticism ask yourself: “What would I say to a close friend in my situation right now?” The answer is usually far kinder than how we talk to ourselves. Try it.
Nature
Being in nature promotes feeling connected to the earth and reduces anxiety, tension and stress. Studies show people spending time in green spaces experience decreased depression and heightened concentration.
Application: If you live near nature, spend time there whenever possible — even phone calls can be taken outside to enable additional exposure. If you must stay in a protected space, virtual glimpses of nature still have benefits. For example, a September 2022 study in the Journal of Environmental Psychology found that watching nature videos helps reduce tension and negative emotions.
Creativity
Engaging in creative activities like art, music, photography, sculpture has therapeutic benefits for processing and expressing emotions and stress. Research shows any creative expression can help process difficult experiences, foster a sense of achievement, enable creative thinking and strengthen resilience. For example, a 2020 study in the journal Advanced Critical Care found creativity enables further processing of traumatic experiences, aiding coping.
Application: Even if you don’t consider yourself an artist, photographer or sculptor, allow yourself to experiment with creative modalities; instruction for any beginner can be found online these days.
Writing
Journaling our experiences and feelings has immensely healing qualities. The ability to “pour onto the page” what we are going through not only enables self-expression but also space to further process challenging experiences. Whether intuitive stream-of-consciousness or structured poetry writing, the emotional benefits are immense.
Application: Take a sheet of paper or computer document and write any thoughts that arise without requiring coherence. Write words, sentences, stream-of-consciousness. You can keep or destroy the writing after, the process itself will further channel your thoughts.
Learning
Our brains love to learn, with lifelong learning conferring many benefits. Learning is even more valuable during crises as it challenges the brain to engage with new information, building neural connections that strengthen resilience. Exploring any new area of interest can help.
Application: Consider a topic of interest you’d like to explore — yoga, cooking, language, knitting — and sign up for an online or in-person course. Immersing in novel information and dedicating cognitive resources to absorbing it provides stimulation, curiosity and engagement, also distracting us from ruminating on difficulties.
Music
Music is a universal language whose powerful messages transcend different cultures. Lyrics can seem to speak directly to our experience, providing comfort through the message “you are not alone in this hardship” — an especially strengthening feeling of solidarity. A 2023 study in the Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology found people spending more time listening to music reported better recovery from stress and fewer mental health issues.
Application: Play your favorite playlist in the background while continuing your activities, or just sit and listen attentively to music.
Breath
Paying attention to the physical manifestation of breath (nostrils, chest, abdomen) connects us to the present moment experience, interrupting unhelpful thinking patterns. Conscious breathing balances and calms the nervous system, allowing the body to return to baseline relaxation after tense experiences.
Application: Use “box breathing” — inhaling while counting 1,2,3,4, holding breath for another 1–4 count, exhaling for 1–4. Repeat this exercise four times. If this doesn’t work for you, there are endless other short breathing exercises online to try out.
Stoicism
This Greek philosophical tradition encourages accepting reality as it is while focusing on what is within our power to change. At its core, Stoicism seeks happiness and fulfillment by concentrating on what we control — habits, routines, time management. It teaches utilizing our immense internal capacities to meet life’s challenges with purpose and courage.
Application: Practice key Stoic principles:
-Focus only on what is in our control (habits, routines, schedules).
-Let go of grasping what we cannot control, like others’ thoughts and emotions.
-Avoid imaginary suffering — anything not actually happening but only in our minds.
-Wake up to action — be active and engaged toward goals rather than waiting idly.
It is an entire philosophy, worth reading more extensively and applying.
Self-care
Caring for ourselves, especially during crises, is key for resilience. This includes basic hygiene routines, sufficient sleep, balanced nutrition and adequate hydration to enable functioning well. Nutrition provides the nutrients to maintain the immune system. Attending to basic needs fuels us with energy and sustains the mental resources needed to overcome challenges.
Application: If you have neglected self-care amidst circumstances, now is the time to prioritize nourishing routines. If you need to function at your best under duress, you must care for yourself. Resilience is a marathon requiring preparation, not a short sprint. Nourish yourself, stay hydrated, get rest, and keep moving.
Exercise
Regular physical activity is proven to reduce tension, improve mood, and build resilience. Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood-enhancing chemicals that help us better handle adversity. Many studies demonstrate the resilience-strengthening effects of physical activity. For example, a 2022 study in the Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology found routine exercise helps minimize negative emotional states like depression, anxiety and stress.
Application: Just do it. Add this to your schedule (see “Choice” section) and move.
Laughter and Humor
Laughter and humor are powerful coping mechanisms. Laughter can release endorphins and lighten mood, making challenges more manageable. A research review on humor for building student resilience, published in the Social Science Journal, found it enhanced their psychological wellbeing, improved relationships, enabled better communication and optimized coping strategies.
Application: Turn on a comedy channel or watch funny YouTube clips/comedians to get some laughs in. Humor tends to be contagious, so try spreading some comic relief to family and friends.
Mindfulness
This Buddhism-derived technique adapted for the busy, stressed Western lifestyle strengthens our ability to “sit with” unpleasant feelings without immediately reacting or trying to “fix” them. Regular mindfulness practice enables moving through challenges with greater emotional resilience, optimal decision-making, level-headed crisis management.
Application: Search online for a 5-minute mindfulness exercise to start with, progressing to longer sessions. These can be done almost anywhere (except driving).
Emotions
Challenges evoke difficult emotions like sadness, pain, fear, depression, anger. Since unpleasant feelings are hard to handle, we tend to suppress, ignore or deny them. But the ability to express the full range of emotions we experience, positive and negative, is fundamental for building personal resilience. Once we can stand before our toughest feelings, we can move on to strengthening and improving our situation. Emotions flow through the same channel, and any attempt to shut some down will affect our ability to experience others.
Application: Whenever you feel an emotion arising, speak to yourself and explore it. You can say internally or aloud: “I feel afraid, helpless, unsure of what to do…” As you name and describe the emotion in more and more ways, handling it becomes easier.
Sleep
Quality, uninterrupted sleep enables proper physical and mental functioning. During challenging times, sleep holds a key role in resting the body’s systems so they can rally to support us the next day. However, sleep is one of the first functions impaired when under stress. Therefore, any sleep-enhancing practices are recommended — breathing, meditation, guided imagery, calming tea, darkening the bedroom, etc.
Application: Maintain a steady sleep routine with consistent pre-bedtime rituals like a warm shower, calming tea or turning off lights. Repeating these sleep cues teaches the brain to shift into relaxation mode for quality rest.
Gratitude
Practicing gratitude reminds us of life’s good moments and strengthens resilience amid challenges. Dozens of studies find gratitude practice boosts optimism and sleep quality, improves mood, and enhances immunity. Sustained gratitude strengthens our sense of life’s value and meaning — an internal understanding that promotes personal resilience.
Application: The classic exercise — make a daily list of at least three positive moments you experienced that day, for a month minimum. This repeated practice changes brain wiring and perspective.
This article has been translated with the written permission of the author Naama Kaminer. Naama holds an MA in positive psychology, works as a therapist in the field, and conducts lectures in public organizations and companies on subjects such as personal resilience, decision-making, mindfulness, positive relationships, and strengths-based approaches.
Email: Naama@naamakaminer.co.il
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